Random Days on the Road
Saturday, July 31, 2004
I got it
After a rough day in class - more for me because it was tough sitting with the CEO all day - luckily we never got picked to sit together in a team.
Calls back and forth to the evaluator. Had to get the premarital portion of the company accounted for in terms of value. CEO saw I was playing with the numbers somehow, called her lawyer, who called the valuator, who called me and said - you have spies in your office. Oh boy.
CEO and I started talking on the phone while she was on her way to Newark (on the plane) - she called at 10 pm (Colorado time) and we talked for about 2 hours. We made progress (although mostly I kept her awake on her drive). She will see an alcohol counselor for an evaluation and I will remove the alcohol clause if they say she is OK.
We then started talking about our marriage and why we wouldn't stay with each other. But, at the end of it, I got it. There were things that we had done to each other from the beginning - I probably did a lot. I'm going to defend myself - but I acknowledge it as such. I love women and I love getting attention from them. That has been ok when single - and great for my ego, but not appropriate for being married. There were things I was upset about - her shopping, her life having to be in her order - things that family and friends have said. I haven't always wanted to be married to her, but I always loved her.
I am happier and at peace now. Underneath it all, I do love her. I know she loves me. I always have that song in my head. "There ain't no good guys, there ain't no bad guys. There's just you and me and we just disagree."
Sunday, July 25, 2004
Fahrenheit 9/11
Saw Fahrenheit 9/11 last night real late as I have had some really crazy hours the last couple of days. If you are interested in this kind of thing, you should look at www.michaelmoore.com as well as www.moorewatch.com. I never have been able to sit through Michael Moore's movies, but this one was a lot of clever editting. I think that he has some great points, and that he does mislead, and some of the "deceits" that are there are misinterpretations on all side. It's still propoganda. (and he should have checked with Ray Bradbury about the title).
I remember where I was when I saw 9/11. I was at our house with the kids and the CEO and my parents. I was supposed to fly to Texas for a client. I have a picture (somewhere) of the kids dancing while the news of the trade center is on the TV. It was a sad day and we couldn't explain it to them. I don't even think we have ever explained to the kids about 9/11. The problem for me (and I think many people outside of New York and Washington) is that the events happened outside of our understanding. I grew up in the area, and still it has not affected me the way it should. I had been on the top of the WTC when I was a kid. I remember being on the roof. But...it's too far away. I have the same reaction to Columbine, even though that happened only 20 miles away. I was out of the country in Italy.
I know this will someday be misquoted, but I'll try to explain. My heart goes out to all of the families and victims, but it was not part of my reality at the time. These incidents are too far away. I guess I'm part of that group that goes along with what happens. The CEO and I have prospered well for the last 5 years, for a small business. Are my rights in trouble? I don't like the TSA, but I go through with it, and they won't get my biometric data from me. Do I prefer not giving away my personal information? Absolutely - I just went to guitar center for some strings, and within 8 weeks, I'm already getting their catalog, even though I didn't give them permission (or at least I don't remember). And security at Guitar Center - whew! Unbelievable. Worse than a grocery store.
All that being said, by 9/11/04, with the help of lawyers and other people, my divorce should be final. I will be broke, but with assets. I keep calling it the "Financial Holocaust". It is. I can't see any situation where I will have that much free cash. The company is going to have to deal with a lot of debt - because the CEO wants a LOT of money. I will have to pay some sort of maintenance, but only for a short period of time. But the money that will be sucked out due to her "sale" of stock will be large. It almost seems not fair - it's going to hurt the company in the short term. In the long term, we should be able to grow out of it. As someone said, I am the dreamer. I am the one out of the two of us that will make the big things happen - maybe why movies appeal to me. If there were no dreams, there would be no economy.
The kids are gone to NJ. I am hoping that they do not get alienated by their grandmother. I refuse to let them suffer from what the CEO did to us as a family. Whatever mistakes I did, I have made sure (past and present) that the kids were not involved in them. I think the CEO does not realize the damage that has been done. (I should say know, but that's a little too strong - she understands what she has done to me, but does not understand about the kids). The past couple of days have been a little slower. I have made sure that I have done what I have had to do, and not much more.
My computer hard drives are named Liberty, Independance and Freedom. Hopefully that day will come soon.
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
A day of negotiation
Sometimes, I get confused about what the purpose of high level administration. I guess, now, that negotiating exit strategies and settlements is part of it. So, in that case, yesterday was a productive day.
CEO and I started to discuss exit plans and coordination. I guess we're getting closer. She has demanded 1 year severance and 50% of value of company. I have rejected for numerous reasons - basically because while she is valuable, it's not just her.
I have proposed 2 month severance (this is a huge concession - I just want her out) and I'll pay for 2 months health insurance as well as 2 months car. (I don't know if I told her that yet). With car, I will help out with lease payments through the duration if her future company doesn't provide a car.
In terms of 50% of value, I just don't think that is fair. Numerous reasons - there is a premarital component which I will get anyway if the judge rules and I do nothing else. Also, I want to someday go back to how she acquired the shares. It is tenuous that my intent was for her to get the shares and keep them forever. The original agreement was that she must sell her shares back to me, which was found too "restraining" on the CEO by the small business certification board. We revoked that, but that was intent. I'm wondering if intent will come into play.
Someone just said to me that you get to be a lawyer by the end of the process. They are not kidding. I know more esoteric law than I need to know. I've been doing research on maintenance as well as child support. Because the marraige was under 7 years, as well as the CEO's age (32), I believe I have a good case to not have to pay maintenance. For those of you who read this who believe that she should and I'm being unfair - recognize she will walk away with 6 figures from the company. She also has been highly compensated over the last 5 years for her job (which *I* gave her). She also has more working years ahead of her than behind, and she should make plenty of money in that time with her skill set. She's also walking away with a whole bunch in a 401K which will be fully vested.
One of the other comments that we discussed was the sexual harrassment part of the case. She claims I knew about the affair, because she told me that she had kissed the boyfriend before he came on board. I said, but you kiss (another specific person) as well. It's how you relate to men. If I would have known that he was your lover, I would not have hired him. What's the difference? She said, then yes, you did not know until March. Then she said - I was sleeping with you while I was an employee. I said, different grounds. You were married to me. Not being married is entirely different. Even if I had suspicions, I had no proof until then. Thus, this kind of relationship does fall under laws that she does not want me to tackle. Even so, I'm preparing my case. She did admit that she does have an issue with sex - I'm awfully curious about that one.....but not with alcohol. Very interesting. I think both come into play here.
We also started discovery. There are a couple of people that I will want for a deposition. Including the CEO....
It's going to start getting interesting (and expensive).......
Monday, July 19, 2004
Late Night blues
The CEO calls at 9:30pm and wants to talk. Wants to go over everything. All sorts of feedback of people wanting to leave the company because of uncertainty - I told her - i'm uncertain.
I'm frustrated. She thinks that she has nothing to do with it. I have told her - leave as soon as possible and I will make it work. She wants a touchy-feely departure. UGH!
Yes, I know it's a guys thing, but jiminny christmas - what does it take to finish this off? A whole bunch of money is what it seems. Every post I say the same thing. I'm ready. Let's go. Where's the next destination? Move along. Oh well.
Arnold Schwarzenegger called the Democrats girly-girls tonight. How wacky is that? Definitely the Tail Wagging the Dog.
Monday comes early with the mundane
And another Monday. A Sunday almost wasted. Dinner with a Friend but back to the top of the "M" for some canoodling and talking. Work to do.
I'm still not at 100%. I miss my kids. The CEO did not call as requested, since I know that she doesn't have cell phone service up in the mountains.
My house is a mess, but I have most of my expense reports done.
I have been playing around on my guitar, and listening to music that means a lot. My favorites lately:
"Do you Realize?"
"Warning Sign"
"Hurt"
"La Mer"
"The Strange Design on Conscience"
I'm ready to move on to the next adventure.
Sunday, July 18, 2004
We're never alone
In general, I think we like to think that our human experience is unique. Nobody else can understand what another person is thinking or doing because they are not going through the experience. As the CEO said "You can't judge how much I'm suffering." Not to sound arrogant (but I will with that lead in), but I can a bit. Not everything, mind you. Just a bit. But of course our experiences are generally the same with slight differences. Slight.
So I walk over with Beau to a breakfast place down a few blocks (a nice quick walk). And at the table next to me is a woman on the cell phone, complaining to someone about her working with her father. He is not being fair. She wants a compromise. He's greedy. She never wants to see him again.
From what I remember (it's been a blur), that is exactly how I was (and probably am) feeling. Talking to someone on the phone. Out loud. Who cares who hears? I am hurting and I want sympathy. I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do ... now. (Sorry, Oasis - great song - Incredibly easy to play on the guitar - is it genius or what? - Sorry, slightly off topic).
When we both paid our checks, I told her that I apologize but I heard part of her conversation and I was going through something similar and hoped that it worked out ok. She thanked me and wished the same. And then we were gone.
I have a need right now to not be lonely. Maybe this blog is the way to do it. On Friday, I had to leave the company golf tournament halfway - partially for Girly-girl's Spanish recital. Partly (and why I didn't go back), because I felt too off. There were supposed to be six people on our team (2 were not playing), but one left. I wound up in a cart by myself. Between one beer and being alone, and sucking and my shooting, it made for a bad combination - I actually understood for the first time what depression was. Yuck. So I didn't go back. I met with MediaGirl and we went and saw Anchorman. Very funny.
KarmaGirl just text-messaged to go to dinner. I guess no Cake tonight (playing up in Winter Park where the CEO is with the kids). but that's OK. I'd rather remain calm. Kids don't come back until Monday night. Oh well - maybe I can do late night grocery shopping.....
And for something completely new....
So, I have signed up for one of those Gmail accounts.
my address is darkroo@gmail.com
If anyone sees this, can you email me to make sure this is real?
How many addresses does this make? probably at least 7. Why? To quote Bill Clinton "Because I can".
It's been so long....
Yet far away from this medium that it doesn't matter.
Brief Recap through today:
On April 7, the CEO filed for divorce, the day I was out of town
On April 7, her boyfriend found out he had a stage 4 brain tumor
On April 14, he broke up with her and went back to his family.
On April 22, he had brain surgery - very lucky to be alive, but has a good chance.
All the rest are little things, like her breaking into the house (after she moved out), not communicating appropriately (an ongoing concern).
Current Status:
90 days have passed since I was served with papers (officially). According to Colorado, this means the divorce can be finalized. She has gone way over her retainer (double mine) and I still have 20% left of my original.
She and I have negotiated 90% of a parenting plan for the kids.
* Joint Custody (mostly)
* I have asked for an alcohol restriction. She doesn't want it.
* I have asked for the kids to learn a foreign language in an Immersion school - she's not "hip" on it because it's too radical for her. Hmm, who has the Physics degree and who has the Marketing degree?
* I get the kids on New Year's - she gets them on Christmas. I think we both get what we want.
I have been dating like crazy and could easily wind up in a steady relationship with a number of interesting women.
I have made 3 secret trips to NY and San Diego - each for one day.
I have made 8 small trips since April - this is well below average.
I have made 1 large trip on a vacation with the kids.
Lessons Learned:
I know my rights.
I know what I should get.
I know her better now than I did before.
Where am I at:
I'm trying to forget the bad stuff - there are good days and bad days.
I'm burned out and slipping away.
I have pictures on my sidekick that are labeled "Broken, Bruised, Forgotten, Sore" - on a plane to Vegas after learning I will be arrested for missing court inappropriately - they are now a good object lesson for the kids on how to do things by the rules.
If I would name this time, it's "Confused, Overwhelmed, but hopefully the end is in sight"
I don't want to talk. I can't even hear myself anymore talking. It's been crazy. I wanted to use this, but I have used my friends too much.
I promise to update more often - but that's to myself. I have another journal - I will upload it with the dates as appropriate - The airplane diaries.
The movie progresses. I have DVD chapter titles to use as a table of contents. I have people starting production. I need another writer. I have 7 scenes written.
Nine Inch Nails is starting to come out of it's hiding spot. I'm ready for mine - I've been hiding in plain sight.
